how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
