i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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