If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
