saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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