I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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