hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
