i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
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I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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We have started to decorate penises.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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