she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
