I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
