I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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