Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Mom said you looked used
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Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
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It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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