What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
