you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
