no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
