how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
