college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
