i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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