turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
