you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
