Your dad touched me again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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