so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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