You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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