he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
