You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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