My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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