There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
