Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
