I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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