she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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