I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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