a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
