the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
