I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
