May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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