I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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