Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
