we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As shirtless as possible
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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