You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
