She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
