why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I sprained my soul last night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
