i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
