I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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