bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
