I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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