We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
