You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
