Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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