i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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