I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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