i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
