you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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