I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
