Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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