do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
