how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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