DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
