Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
