I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
