He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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