This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
