Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
