Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
