You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
