what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
