I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
