I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
