Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
