Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
