So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
