Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
