Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
