In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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