I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
