Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
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