she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
