You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
