So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
