So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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