Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
