My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
