he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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