Moan for me like Helen Keller
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My vagina is officially offended.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
