there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
