i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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