It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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