i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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