Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
