I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
