i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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